Again. Maybe? Who knows. I had moved my laptop to the office/storage/other bedroom and so didn’t bother doing anything that required doing typing for a while. I found the cord to charge my Bluetooth keyboard for the iPad, so now it’s charged and I no longer have that excuse. And of course, there’s the usual daily headaches and chronic migraines. My last migraine lasted for 5 days, so… yeah. Add to that a general depression, and I lacked motivation. While doing a blog was my own idea and it’s never been a habit, I put so much importance on starting to do this more often that it became a looming chore. Because it was a looming chore, I kept putting it off. And the cycle continued.
This happens a lot to people with mental health issues and/or chronic procrastinators. It’s a completely normal thing that millions of people probably do, but it still makes many people (including myself) extremely uncomfortable to admit. What if we were all honest that there are some things that we put so much importance on that we are even less likely to do it? Isn’t this what we do every New Year (however we measure the year, there are usually some kind of resolutions, yes?)? What if we stopped beating ourselves up for not completing our to-do lists? What if we stopped making these unattainable lists in the first place?
I finally finished my mom’s socks back in May, so this blog is obviously not the only thing being neglected. I had taken a break from the socks because I needed some simpler projects to work on. I made a garter stitch shawl and diagonal stitch scarf. Then I picked up Mom’s socks again. She still hasn’t gotten them, but they are on the “to weave in ends” pile. Right now, I’m working on two pairs of socks. I started a second attempt at a pair of Skew Socks for myself and then started a pair of simple stockinette socks so I could take something along with me to various appointments and in waiting rooms. Photos are on a different device, but I’ll try not to procrastinate too much and do a post with pics of and links to these projects.
I’ve also read several books, though only a few are on the list of neglected DRCs that I had made in November 2016. Or maybe they were. I haven’t gotten caught up on the reviews, though I do have one that I will post later today.
Happy New Year to any Northern Hemisphere Pagans who stumble upon this! In keeping with the spirit of Samhain and the new turning of the Wheel, I’m going to try dropping bad habits and picking up new (hopefully better) ones. Most likely, just picking up new habits. A new habit? Yeah, I don’t want to overdo it. Part of that is going to be getting better at this blogging thing. I plan on doing an entry once a week on the ups and downs of living with chronic daily headaches and chronic migraines. And depression and anxiety. And whatever other medical/mental health issues my body tries to throw my way. Because most of my hobbies are ways I cope, there will be more posts (separately or combined) scattered throughout the week. And, please forgive the numerous book reviews this week. I have to make good on my agreement to review books for free DRCs, and I have a bit (a teenie tiny bit) of a backlog. Besides, reading reviews might help You decide whether or not something is worth your time. So many books, so little time.
Alright, then… on the sticks is a pair of sock for my mom. The pattern is called “Crossfade” and can be found in New Directions in Sock Knitting by Ann Budd (Interweave, Feb 2016). You can find more info on Ravelry. This is the second pattern I’ve used from the book. If you decide to make it, I would suggest reading the instructions once or twice before beginning, making a copy of the charts so you can write on them to keep track of where you are, and definitely using a lifeline or three. The toe itself took me 12 tries to complete it correctly due to missed increases, dropped stitches, missed rows, etc. I can only partly blame my neurological disorders for these errors.
Yesterday, I literally slept the day away. Yes, I’m using “literally” correctly.
About 13 years ago, I worked the night shift (11:30-7:30) at a hotel in my hometown. My grandparents also live in the same town, but my grandpa never seemed to grasp that because I worked nights, I had to sleep during a large chunk of the day. He would frequently come by at 10-11 AM and, when neither my mother (who also worked nights) nor I would answer the door, he would pound on our bedroom windows until someone got up. Inevitably, he would also castigate us with “you’re sleeping the day away!” Eventually, we threatened to go over to his house at 3 AM and pound on his window until he woke up, then tell him he’s “sleeping the night away.” We all knew that because he was going deaf, it would wake my grandma up before he noticed; however, we must’ve sounded serious enough because he stopped. Mom and I still tell this story and, now that I’m a “day person” most of the time, I use “You’re sleeping the day away!” as the name for my alarm.
As a person who has both physical and mental illnesses, there are days that I can barely get out of bed. It happens. Sometimes, I am in either too much pain or just simply lack the motivation. Especially now that I am not working and on Disability. I’ve had to learn to be kinder to myself. I’ve had to learn to count small tasks like getting up, feeding the pets, feeding myself, and brushing my hair as major accomplishments. I’ve learned that, sometimes, sleeping the day away is exactly what I need so that I can do more the next day.
As of last week (actually, two weeks ago, but I had a week to appeal), I lost my job. I had been working at a library, but had run out of FMLA time and was still having to take days off sick. Unpaid, unapproved days off sick. So, I was fired. That said, since I’m not there, I have to find another way to begin earning free advanced reader copies (ARCs) of books. Upcoming posts will feature reviews of various ARCs and new books that catch my eye and I want someone (anyone?) to consider reading or running the other way from. I’ll also be experimenting in other revenue sources and posting about that, hopefully. No, don’t get concerned. I mean starting making soaps and lotions again- stuff like this. Nothing untoward because I’d probably screw up and get caught anyway 😉